What's so special about 2008?

This was a pretty major year for me. But then again, at this stage of life, what year isn't major? We're in pretty formative times, you know.

Instead of trying to recap, I'm just going to put in some random journal quotes. They're basically chronological, and it was more fun than re-musing.

Fun quotes from Amanda's journal in 2008:

"I don't think I'm going to talk very much. I say that, but I lack a natural "shut-the-hell-up" gene."

About a dream: "I got to the end and he was there, and my double, the one who put me up to all this, maybe me and maybe not, stayed behind. And I knew that I was going to die, leave the real one behind. And I didn't speak, but I made him promise to never tell. And he didn't speak, but I knew he wouldn't. And I suddenly realized what made him look so serious--he was the one who knew, who always knew, would never speak, just carry it."

"I chilled out in BeansTalk, and Amanda Smith came and joined me. It was so nice--a very chill time to just be, relax and doodle in the thick book and not worry about things for awhile."

"What's more important? The absolute deity of Jesus? Or the way people treat each other?
I know my answer. And I don't think it's such a terrible one."

"We played a game--a person would ask any question, and everyone would answer it. It was so awesome, just to be free with answers and life and being outside and not too cold, moon and stars occasionally revealing themselves behind a thin curtain of cloud. It was a really amazing night of connection."

In an education class: "We are now discussing what mermaids sound like. For at least three minutes. I'm not really here, am I?"

"Currently, Lilac and Sean have hypothermia, Naomi is in a coma, Endeath is winning, Gaia's somewhere in Maine, and Carlos is the lone person hanging onto consciousness. Quite fun, in all honesty."

"We are the secrets of the world, we are the pieces of life, we are formed enigmas wrapped in cotton. We are silence and fire and creation and destruction, the closest thing to God seen on earth."

"The other night John and I went up and snuck into Howard's Knob. It was remarkable and it was real, and with the wind so fierce looking over Boone's valley I just felt intense and unstoppable and powerful, human, whole, real. And it doesn't matter what the core of humanity is--what matters is being alive."

"Flying out on a Wednesday offers a much different dynamic than flying out on a weekend. Instead of vacationers, businessmen take up most of the space. Surrounded by them all, with their suits and Blackberries, zooming impatiently in their BMWs and Mercedes, always in a rush, I am so grateful that will never be me."

"I get the impression a lot of them feel sorry for me. It's weird...I want to shout, "Really, I am happy! I am well-adjusted! I have goals and dreams and plans that are going to happen--don't feel bad for me!" Sigh. Just the silly Christian again."

"Wither is done! First draft--about 2 months, one of which was February. Pretty good for me."

Dream: "I nearly got caught by one (booby trap) on the way to the front porch. I asked the girl up there how she got through, and she said, "I had faith in God." My response was basically, "Huh. Yeah, well, I'm gonna go disable these."

"Word of the class--paradox! Whatever it is, it's a paradox. Bonus points because it has an "x" in it."

"I'm voting for Clinton in the primaries. If Obama gets the nomination, I'll vote for him in the general, because if he is the anti-Christ, maybe he can fix the economy."

"Difference between last semester and this semester--last semester, I couldn't get my head above water. This semester, I just don't give a shit."

"You've won, College of Ed! You have officially killed any excitement I had about teaching with pointless discussions of things that don't matter, ignoring the actualities of what a classroom requires. You have aided me losing my drive to do anything worthwhile. You have successfully turned me into another half-assed, effort-free college student that I used to despise. Thank you for helping me understand, through worthless discussion classes, that the goal is not to know your subject area, but just to sound like you know what you're talking about.
While you're reading this, I'm going to go get wasted with my fellow classmates (even though in a past life I would be studying my subject matter) because I don't give a shit anymore.
Love, me."

"Maybe if I get hit by a car they won't make me come back. Maybe an earthquake will strike Boone. Maybe a fire will start that burns down only campus buildings. I should just shoulder it and go on like always, but you know? I'm just not that good. Sorry. I am bitchy and short-term and personal. I can't take the high road about this."

"Yeah. No worries. I'll just slip back into spiritually bankrupt, honors-student experience.
I am tired of these games. How am I supposed to fix myself when everyone around thinks I should stay broken?"

At a private singing session in Ireland: "It's almost like a pause in time. No one was in a hurry to leave, or glancing at their watches every few seconds. People weren't antsy--this was the most important thing in the world. While they were there, nothing mattered except the voices, filling and connecting the space inside. There are two or three women whose voices are so pure, so beautiful, who sing with such heart-wrenching feeling it seems impossible the world outside could still exist."

"God is breaking me. Because I am in a pathetic stage now, a stage of doubt and self importance and organized chaos. I am in selfishness, self-righteousness, pride beyond pride.
And he's breaking me from it."

"So much drama over a freakin' pussy."

"Oh yeah, yesterday we took the kids swimming. I got tackled and stomped in the face. Hooray."

"Dani is not at all afraid to include perfect strangers into our conversations and games. Starbucks--"What if three hot guys want to sit with her?"

"God's voice...is it deep, echoing off the mountains and valleys He created? Would it be high, ethereal and sweeping as the purest soprano, free of vibrato and sounding like clear crystal? Would it make the strongest tremble, or weep?"

"THIS IS YOUR LIFE. This is not a study in human behavior! This is not a series of books or poems! Hike! Breathe! Laugh! Play! God is EVERYWHERE singing! A voice so full of joy and pain and endless, endless love.
You cannot observe that. You cannot meta-cognate that. You are only in it.
You wouldn't think it would be so easy to forget."

"I have to have faith.
I have to believe that God is leading me.
So I will. Even though sometimes I'm scared and thinking things like, after this season I may never go to a football game.
I'm way more scared than I thought I was. But there was a great quote at Convocation: "Almost anything worth doing is scary."
But I wasn't expecting it. It's so real, so soon."

"My recital is terrifyingly soon. Stop. Breathe.
(Um, prior to breathing let's learn your music.)"

"I really, really suck at this game, by the way. And everything is foggier while extremely sleep deprived. Part of me is saying no. Part of me is saying if you don't break it you'll be like this forever."

"You'd think we'd bring out the worst in each other, but it's like two negatives make a positive. As long as we're good for each other, I guess I'll leave it alone."

"Have I mentioned this is fun? Because this is a lot of fun, this whole dating-someone thing. I almost forgot it was worth it."

"'Cause this is THRILLER!"

"I am a junkie.
Success is my heroin. A little taste of it--the attention, the acclaim, the pride--and I'm looking at potential relapse.
But what do you do when your smack is something you want to work for? How do you survive when the only way your soul can live is to fail?"

Quote from John: "Why do I feel like at the end of next semester we're going to be eating ice cream and watching sad movies together?"

"I need school to be over. Really. It will suck to be away from here a little bit, but it won't be snowing. And I won't be sitting through bullshit classes anymore."

"More, I think this is part of the peeling, part of the me to become more who I am. I feel like another artificial piece has been taken off, getting me a little more to the center."

(BTW, I'm tagging Connie in this because even though she wasn't mentioned by name, she played a HUGE role in my thinking and loving in 2008, and she's one of the two people I am unspeakably grateful to have grown closer to.)

That says much more about what I thought through the year than what I did. I did a lot--went to Ireland, New York twice, preformed the Concerto, had my recital, started dating someone for the first time in three years. (Actually, started for the first time in seven years.) I got close to HannaH again, in spurts. I went Geocaching and saw Danielle Hall and played the waltz at my high school. I met people and made enemies, drifted away from people and permanently knit towards others.

I've never been so happy, looking back over becoming.

The Woman Formerly Known as Ms. Amanda

Summer...camp...is...OVER!!!


There are no words to describe this awesomeness.


So now, in true YA style, I'll do a summer update in list form!



Five things I will miss about this summer:



1) Mom and Shirley

How many people are lucky enough to have a family that they actually LOVE hanging around? Or a mom who's willing to play DDR with you on the boardwalk? C'mon, that's straight-up AWESOME.


2) Geocaching

The permanent end to the, "What do you want to do?" debate. Treasure hunting--high-tech style.

3) Seeing Dani frequently.

More than once a year is "frequently." So I'll definitely take what we've gotten this summer, and it's been great to spend more than three "HIBYE" days with her.

4) Kicking major ass at Egyptian RatScrew.

I spent most of my freshman year getting beaten into obliteration by Seth Carson at Egyptian Ratscrew in the Vortex. Seems that I absorbed some of that greatness, though. I completely dominated everyone at work on it. (No, not just the ten year olds, thank you smartasses.)

5) Not having to practice so hard-core.

OK, I know I really shouldn't be happy about this one, but it was so nice. I could just go do my own thing after work and not have to worry about having a trumpet on my face three hours a day. It will kill me in about a week, but for now, I'm comfortable floating down Denile River.


Five things I will NOT miss about this summer:


1) Band-aids.

Band-aids are badges of honor. They are not just blood-stoppers. They are a seven year old's Purple Heart. No matter how small the injury, any child will swear on their mother's honor they need a Band-aid. And guess who has to stop what she's doing to explain WHY the bruise doesn't need a Band-aid?

2) Driving a 15-passenger van full of kids begging me to turn the radio to 102 JAMZ.

They simply don't understand why I won't let them listen to the almost unedited version of:

She getting crunk in the club I mean she working
Then I like to see the female twerking taking the clothes off BUCKEY nakedATL.
Hoe don’t disrespect it
Pa pop yo pussy like this cause yin yang twins in this bitch
Lil Jon and theEast side boys wit me and we all like to see Ass and tities
Now bring yo ass over here hoe and let me see you get low if you want this Thug
Now take it to the floor (to the floor) and if yo ass wanta act you can keep yo ass where you at

Yep. I'm unreasonable.

3) Having NO internet.

Seriously, there's a reason I haven't posted lately. I've been a terrible friend via Facebook AND Blogger AND Absolute Write. We just got wireless in my house--right in time for me to leave.

4) Writing total for this summer: 3.5k.

'Nuff said.


5) High-strung parents.

Your child flung four scooters across the gym at another kid and you want to know why the OTHER kid didn't get suspended? You want us to ignore your child's punishment because it's his birthday and you brought cupcakes? You think I told your child to pick up a stray cat? The list goes on and on and on.



Five wonderful memories from this summer:



1) IRELAND.

No post I ever make will do that trip justice. I've never been somewhere with no family ties and been positive I'd be going back.

2) Meeting Jamie.

Jamie was a friend Dani brought from working at TIP. I clicked with her almost the fastest of anyone I've met in the past few years, which was wonderful.

3) The Fourth of July in Ocean City, Maryland.

Talk about a PARTY. The fireworks were awesome, the boardwalk was always crowded, and the weather was great (except the downpour imediately after the fireworks. But you know, we'll take what we can get.) Also I had my first experience of gorging myself on crab. Blue Crab, to be exact. AMAZING. First time--but NOT the last.

4) Having Mike, John, Kathryn, and Marie over.

OK, so the bonfire ended up a bust, but it was still great to have everyone over. It was just a very chill, good time. Even though nothing really striking happened, it was just a very nice time.

5) Finding the skunk Geocaching.

That was really TOO funny. I pulled back a bush to grab the cache, and WOW! Pepe le Phew was HOME! I don't think I've ever moved that fast in my life.

Finally, the most satisfying part of Summer 2008:

Turning in my City Employee's badge and saying, "Nope. I'm not coming back next summer."

"Are you su--"

"Yes. I'm positive."

On to Band Camp.

A decent assignment, for once

So, for a change, we are reading an excellent and relevant book in Foundations of American Education, Walking on Water by Derek Jensen. It's absolutely amazing, and I recommend it to anyone who is going to/is teaching.

Now, in addition to that (it's almost too good to be true!) we have a wonderful assignment for the class--to use any medium we wish to answer--what is the most important question we have to answer for ourselves?

Obviously, I'm writing. Here's the first few paragraphs:

Will you walk the labyrinth?

I freeze. It's a dingy billboard, posted on the wall of the subway station. I haven't walked a labyrinth in years--I've long since given up following winding paths, searching for feelings that aren't there. My mother cried, my father sighed, but in the end, it does nothing but wear down your shoes.

The tram in front of the sign pulls way, revealing the bottom. It's a movie add, some new torture-porn flick. I turn quickly, boarding the train back to my apartment.

My home--Queens Shithole. In some ways, I suppose it's fitting--my building is so similar to my cases' homes--but it's pretty bad when you consider I left behind a beautiful Georgia town and home for this. Now, the most glamorous thing I see is the subway.