For all US-2s

In honor of all my fellow US-2s, mission interns, missionaries, preachers, and other people in service to the Lord (or whatever...)



And I see Danielle tomorrow! YAAAY!

Have a great weekend!

And now you're back! From outer space!

OK, so I didn't go to outer space. (But I did go to Utah. Close enough.)

I'm now going through the pretty significant realization that I'm moving in 14 days. And it's far enough that I can't really pack yet, because the stuff I'm going to pack is stuff I'm going to need until then, but I don't want to pack while Dani's here, but I don't have much choice.

Conundrum.

Also it's very hard to try and figure out who I'm going to see before I leave. Two weeks looks a lot shorter after vacation.

I talked to John on the phone last night and I realized how desperately I'm going to miss him. And Connie sends me all these bumper stickers on Facebook about stargazing. It's been so long since I've seen her, and I miss her so much! (Plus I know it's going to be too hazy in NOLA to do much stargazing. That and the highest point in Louisiana is Driskill Mountain: elevation 535 feet.)

I'm really not complaining. I'm excited about going to NOLA, THRILLED about the work at Hagar's House, and really looking forward to meeting people down there.

It's just hard to get there.

At some point in the future there will be a rambling vacation post for the 2 people interested!

Crack of the Week

In case you haven't picked up on this particular quirk (i.e. neurosis) in my personality, there's something you should know.

I have a bit of an addictive personality. Which is pretty awesome when I get addicted to something productive like, I don't know, PRACTICING, but is less exciting when it's something like Monopoly.

Currently, I'm back on an anime kick. (Note: Windows does not believe "anime" is a word. Screw 'em.) So I've watched absurd amounts of Fullmetal Alchemist in the past few days. (Windows doesn't believe in "Fullmetal," either. WHY DO YOU HATE JAPAN, BILL GATES?)

So if I've been a terrible/distracted/annoying friend over the past few days, that's probably why.

You know, my blog is still called "Music Major Madness." While the madness still almost certainly applies, I'm not a music major anymore. I don't write about writing much, so it would be stupid to name the blog for that. Hm...name change is probably on the horizon.

(Note: Dani sent me a copy of FRAGILE ETERNITY, and she totally rocks my socks for that. Even if the end did make me a little aggravated. Cer la vie.)

Dreams

In last night's dream...

Dani and I were in jail in Australia,

Granny and Gepop moved to the Philippines where rats could walk on the ocean,

We were all nervous because we'd just found out that a US-2 had gotten placed at an auto-body shop in Michigan,

And somehow there was Magnolia Bakery.

Fun little thing

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will post the answers to the questions (and the questions themselves) on your blog or journal.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And thus the endless cycle of the meme goes on and on and on and on...

Nabbed this one from Dani's LJ. It's 2 AM, so I think there should be some leeway on whatever I write...

1) If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be?

I really don't know. Mostly because a) the whole appearance debate really sticks in my craw as a feminist and I feel like I shouldn't WANT to change anything about my appearance, and b) I pretty much hate the way I look anyway. But probably my hair--I wish it were something more controllable with less effort.

2) What is your favorite memory from last summer?

Ireland, Ireland, Ireland. Last summer was really amazing in so many ways, but Ireland was absolutely the most fantastic time of my life. There is no way to possibly describe the experience of sitting in a room with talented, golden-hearted people quietly singing songs for each other and for the songs themselves. To live suspended out time, just for a moment, and live in music...I've never experienced it to that degree anywhere else.

3) If someone handed you a 12-hole, wooden, tenor Ocarina in C that hadn't been played in 20 years, what would you do?

I would probably play the theme from Zelda. Because it's an ocrarina. And you knew this, you just wanted to be sure. :)

4) Name a profession you would totally love to try but are completely unqualified for (astronaut? pirate? superhero?). What about this profession appeals to you? ---I stole this from Erin because it's such a good question.

Even though it was suggested, I totes would take superhero. I mean, I really feel like I was destined to have superpowers of some sort anyway. I'm just not quite sure what the hold up is. It appeals to me for several reasons.

1) I'd be a freaking superhero. I could save ANYBODY.

2) I'd be a total BAMF.

3) I really would feel like a much more complete person if I could topple an evil regime of some sort (I'mlookingatyouKingpin.)

5) What is your favorite quote from a book and why?

There's a poem quoted in Derek Jensen's Walking on Water. I think I might actually be cheating around the requirements, but I'm doing it anyway.

You wouldn't think
It would be so easy
To forget
Who we really are
Or that death is always at our shoulder
Or that everything is alive
Or that God is everywhere singing

I think this is the most beautiful poem ever. Truly, in our lives, we do forget. We forget the beauty of the world around us, the quiet whisper of God, the finite nature of our lives. We get wrapped up on what we have to do that we forget who we are. This poem re-grounds me, renews me, reminds me to look for truth and not "forget."

Because it is so easy, and we always have to fight it--to find our center, find our light. To find God in the chaos and the loudness. Even in the noise, there is singing. And when we lose it, lose our place in the song, we lose ourselves.

So keep hearing the song, ladies and gentlemen, and never forget.

What's so special about 2008?

This was a pretty major year for me. But then again, at this stage of life, what year isn't major? We're in pretty formative times, you know.

Instead of trying to recap, I'm just going to put in some random journal quotes. They're basically chronological, and it was more fun than re-musing.

Fun quotes from Amanda's journal in 2008:

"I don't think I'm going to talk very much. I say that, but I lack a natural "shut-the-hell-up" gene."

About a dream: "I got to the end and he was there, and my double, the one who put me up to all this, maybe me and maybe not, stayed behind. And I knew that I was going to die, leave the real one behind. And I didn't speak, but I made him promise to never tell. And he didn't speak, but I knew he wouldn't. And I suddenly realized what made him look so serious--he was the one who knew, who always knew, would never speak, just carry it."

"I chilled out in BeansTalk, and Amanda Smith came and joined me. It was so nice--a very chill time to just be, relax and doodle in the thick book and not worry about things for awhile."

"What's more important? The absolute deity of Jesus? Or the way people treat each other?
I know my answer. And I don't think it's such a terrible one."

"We played a game--a person would ask any question, and everyone would answer it. It was so awesome, just to be free with answers and life and being outside and not too cold, moon and stars occasionally revealing themselves behind a thin curtain of cloud. It was a really amazing night of connection."

In an education class: "We are now discussing what mermaids sound like. For at least three minutes. I'm not really here, am I?"

"Currently, Lilac and Sean have hypothermia, Naomi is in a coma, Endeath is winning, Gaia's somewhere in Maine, and Carlos is the lone person hanging onto consciousness. Quite fun, in all honesty."

"We are the secrets of the world, we are the pieces of life, we are formed enigmas wrapped in cotton. We are silence and fire and creation and destruction, the closest thing to God seen on earth."

"The other night John and I went up and snuck into Howard's Knob. It was remarkable and it was real, and with the wind so fierce looking over Boone's valley I just felt intense and unstoppable and powerful, human, whole, real. And it doesn't matter what the core of humanity is--what matters is being alive."

"Flying out on a Wednesday offers a much different dynamic than flying out on a weekend. Instead of vacationers, businessmen take up most of the space. Surrounded by them all, with their suits and Blackberries, zooming impatiently in their BMWs and Mercedes, always in a rush, I am so grateful that will never be me."

"I get the impression a lot of them feel sorry for me. It's weird...I want to shout, "Really, I am happy! I am well-adjusted! I have goals and dreams and plans that are going to happen--don't feel bad for me!" Sigh. Just the silly Christian again."

"Wither is done! First draft--about 2 months, one of which was February. Pretty good for me."

Dream: "I nearly got caught by one (booby trap) on the way to the front porch. I asked the girl up there how she got through, and she said, "I had faith in God." My response was basically, "Huh. Yeah, well, I'm gonna go disable these."

"Word of the class--paradox! Whatever it is, it's a paradox. Bonus points because it has an "x" in it."

"I'm voting for Clinton in the primaries. If Obama gets the nomination, I'll vote for him in the general, because if he is the anti-Christ, maybe he can fix the economy."

"Difference between last semester and this semester--last semester, I couldn't get my head above water. This semester, I just don't give a shit."

"You've won, College of Ed! You have officially killed any excitement I had about teaching with pointless discussions of things that don't matter, ignoring the actualities of what a classroom requires. You have aided me losing my drive to do anything worthwhile. You have successfully turned me into another half-assed, effort-free college student that I used to despise. Thank you for helping me understand, through worthless discussion classes, that the goal is not to know your subject area, but just to sound like you know what you're talking about.
While you're reading this, I'm going to go get wasted with my fellow classmates (even though in a past life I would be studying my subject matter) because I don't give a shit anymore.
Love, me."

"Maybe if I get hit by a car they won't make me come back. Maybe an earthquake will strike Boone. Maybe a fire will start that burns down only campus buildings. I should just shoulder it and go on like always, but you know? I'm just not that good. Sorry. I am bitchy and short-term and personal. I can't take the high road about this."

"Yeah. No worries. I'll just slip back into spiritually bankrupt, honors-student experience.
I am tired of these games. How am I supposed to fix myself when everyone around thinks I should stay broken?"

At a private singing session in Ireland: "It's almost like a pause in time. No one was in a hurry to leave, or glancing at their watches every few seconds. People weren't antsy--this was the most important thing in the world. While they were there, nothing mattered except the voices, filling and connecting the space inside. There are two or three women whose voices are so pure, so beautiful, who sing with such heart-wrenching feeling it seems impossible the world outside could still exist."

"God is breaking me. Because I am in a pathetic stage now, a stage of doubt and self importance and organized chaos. I am in selfishness, self-righteousness, pride beyond pride.
And he's breaking me from it."

"So much drama over a freakin' pussy."

"Oh yeah, yesterday we took the kids swimming. I got tackled and stomped in the face. Hooray."

"Dani is not at all afraid to include perfect strangers into our conversations and games. Starbucks--"What if three hot guys want to sit with her?"

"God's voice...is it deep, echoing off the mountains and valleys He created? Would it be high, ethereal and sweeping as the purest soprano, free of vibrato and sounding like clear crystal? Would it make the strongest tremble, or weep?"

"THIS IS YOUR LIFE. This is not a study in human behavior! This is not a series of books or poems! Hike! Breathe! Laugh! Play! God is EVERYWHERE singing! A voice so full of joy and pain and endless, endless love.
You cannot observe that. You cannot meta-cognate that. You are only in it.
You wouldn't think it would be so easy to forget."

"I have to have faith.
I have to believe that God is leading me.
So I will. Even though sometimes I'm scared and thinking things like, after this season I may never go to a football game.
I'm way more scared than I thought I was. But there was a great quote at Convocation: "Almost anything worth doing is scary."
But I wasn't expecting it. It's so real, so soon."

"My recital is terrifyingly soon. Stop. Breathe.
(Um, prior to breathing let's learn your music.)"

"I really, really suck at this game, by the way. And everything is foggier while extremely sleep deprived. Part of me is saying no. Part of me is saying if you don't break it you'll be like this forever."

"You'd think we'd bring out the worst in each other, but it's like two negatives make a positive. As long as we're good for each other, I guess I'll leave it alone."

"Have I mentioned this is fun? Because this is a lot of fun, this whole dating-someone thing. I almost forgot it was worth it."

"'Cause this is THRILLER!"

"I am a junkie.
Success is my heroin. A little taste of it--the attention, the acclaim, the pride--and I'm looking at potential relapse.
But what do you do when your smack is something you want to work for? How do you survive when the only way your soul can live is to fail?"

Quote from John: "Why do I feel like at the end of next semester we're going to be eating ice cream and watching sad movies together?"

"I need school to be over. Really. It will suck to be away from here a little bit, but it won't be snowing. And I won't be sitting through bullshit classes anymore."

"More, I think this is part of the peeling, part of the me to become more who I am. I feel like another artificial piece has been taken off, getting me a little more to the center."

(BTW, I'm tagging Connie in this because even though she wasn't mentioned by name, she played a HUGE role in my thinking and loving in 2008, and she's one of the two people I am unspeakably grateful to have grown closer to.)

That says much more about what I thought through the year than what I did. I did a lot--went to Ireland, New York twice, preformed the Concerto, had my recital, started dating someone for the first time in three years. (Actually, started for the first time in seven years.) I got close to HannaH again, in spurts. I went Geocaching and saw Danielle Hall and played the waltz at my high school. I met people and made enemies, drifted away from people and permanently knit towards others.

I've never been so happy, looking back over becoming.

The Woman Formerly Known as Ms. Amanda

Summer...camp...is...OVER!!!


There are no words to describe this awesomeness.


So now, in true YA style, I'll do a summer update in list form!



Five things I will miss about this summer:



1) Mom and Shirley

How many people are lucky enough to have a family that they actually LOVE hanging around? Or a mom who's willing to play DDR with you on the boardwalk? C'mon, that's straight-up AWESOME.


2) Geocaching

The permanent end to the, "What do you want to do?" debate. Treasure hunting--high-tech style.

3) Seeing Dani frequently.

More than once a year is "frequently." So I'll definitely take what we've gotten this summer, and it's been great to spend more than three "HIBYE" days with her.

4) Kicking major ass at Egyptian RatScrew.

I spent most of my freshman year getting beaten into obliteration by Seth Carson at Egyptian Ratscrew in the Vortex. Seems that I absorbed some of that greatness, though. I completely dominated everyone at work on it. (No, not just the ten year olds, thank you smartasses.)

5) Not having to practice so hard-core.

OK, I know I really shouldn't be happy about this one, but it was so nice. I could just go do my own thing after work and not have to worry about having a trumpet on my face three hours a day. It will kill me in about a week, but for now, I'm comfortable floating down Denile River.


Five things I will NOT miss about this summer:


1) Band-aids.

Band-aids are badges of honor. They are not just blood-stoppers. They are a seven year old's Purple Heart. No matter how small the injury, any child will swear on their mother's honor they need a Band-aid. And guess who has to stop what she's doing to explain WHY the bruise doesn't need a Band-aid?

2) Driving a 15-passenger van full of kids begging me to turn the radio to 102 JAMZ.

They simply don't understand why I won't let them listen to the almost unedited version of:

She getting crunk in the club I mean she working
Then I like to see the female twerking taking the clothes off BUCKEY nakedATL.
Hoe don’t disrespect it
Pa pop yo pussy like this cause yin yang twins in this bitch
Lil Jon and theEast side boys wit me and we all like to see Ass and tities
Now bring yo ass over here hoe and let me see you get low if you want this Thug
Now take it to the floor (to the floor) and if yo ass wanta act you can keep yo ass where you at

Yep. I'm unreasonable.

3) Having NO internet.

Seriously, there's a reason I haven't posted lately. I've been a terrible friend via Facebook AND Blogger AND Absolute Write. We just got wireless in my house--right in time for me to leave.

4) Writing total for this summer: 3.5k.

'Nuff said.


5) High-strung parents.

Your child flung four scooters across the gym at another kid and you want to know why the OTHER kid didn't get suspended? You want us to ignore your child's punishment because it's his birthday and you brought cupcakes? You think I told your child to pick up a stray cat? The list goes on and on and on.



Five wonderful memories from this summer:



1) IRELAND.

No post I ever make will do that trip justice. I've never been somewhere with no family ties and been positive I'd be going back.

2) Meeting Jamie.

Jamie was a friend Dani brought from working at TIP. I clicked with her almost the fastest of anyone I've met in the past few years, which was wonderful.

3) The Fourth of July in Ocean City, Maryland.

Talk about a PARTY. The fireworks were awesome, the boardwalk was always crowded, and the weather was great (except the downpour imediately after the fireworks. But you know, we'll take what we can get.) Also I had my first experience of gorging myself on crab. Blue Crab, to be exact. AMAZING. First time--but NOT the last.

4) Having Mike, John, Kathryn, and Marie over.

OK, so the bonfire ended up a bust, but it was still great to have everyone over. It was just a very chill, good time. Even though nothing really striking happened, it was just a very nice time.

5) Finding the skunk Geocaching.

That was really TOO funny. I pulled back a bush to grab the cache, and WOW! Pepe le Phew was HOME! I don't think I've ever moved that fast in my life.

Finally, the most satisfying part of Summer 2008:

Turning in my City Employee's badge and saying, "Nope. I'm not coming back next summer."

"Are you su--"

"Yes. I'm positive."

On to Band Camp.