Happy Birthday...um...maybe not.

Derek and I broke up yesterday. So that was pretty much suck, especially since it was my birthday. But now we're very amicable, and talking more than we actually were last week. Which makes me wonder what the hell happened anyway.

HannaH has a theory that he was trying to be enough of a jerk to where I would break up with him. I think this is highly possible, whether he's aware of it or not. Still, ending things when everything is so friendly makes me feel weird. I mean, I'm not really upset, but at the same time, it's a change and there should be some emotion attached, even if I'm not sure what it should be yet.

Earlier today I was elated--I felt fantastic and free and absolutely in love with the world. That's fading now, though. I'm not exactly upset, but I'm not thrilled, either. Maybe it's just because it's dark. I guess it's another process--sorting out how our relationship works and how I should feel about it. We'll see.

In other news, I got myself Reviving Ophelia for my birthday. I'm about halfway through it and it's absolutely amazing. I'll post a little more on it after I finish, but I just wanted to remind the world how lame I am--I got myself a psychological social commentary for my birthday. Alas.

Wow.

OK, so I have been waiting on pins and needles to hear from the General Board of Global Ministries about this mission intern thing and hadn't heard anything. I was starting to feel a little stressed about this, so I finally e-mailed someone.

I got a response back less than two hours. Apparently, Yahoo, For My Safety, thinks the United Methodist Church is Dangerous Spam. So my lovely e-mail that says, "Hey, come for an interview to work for Jesus in April!" got sucked up in the same junk folder as my last chance to buy a timeshare.

Fantastic! Amazing! I literally started jumping up and down. Happily, no one was home to see me fall on my knees and scream thankyouthankyouthankyou to God, but even if they were I wouldn't have cared. Now the fun part--the last day I would have been able to schedule a plane ticket?

Tomorrow.

Wow.

In short, I'm very glad God poked on me today to e-mail them. But still...couldn't He have shaved at least a week or two off ulcer-inducing stress? Sigh.

Either way...one step down!

Shut-Up, Brain!

Unfortunate new development:

Whenever I lay down to go to sleep, my brain starts lesson planning.

"No! Change your thoughts...you're on a beach, listening to Enya..."

"Ooh, I can teach 5/8 by having them say 'I love Taco Bell!' in rhythm!"

"NO! Enya...think about Enya..."

Sleepfail.

When Brothers Scan Bookshelves

Chris happened to be around visiting earlier this week, which was nice. However, while he was there, he was looking at my bookshelf.

"You read Vonnegut?"

"Um...yeah..."

"Wow, I wouldn't have figured. Steinbeck and 1984, too! Have you actually read these?"

"You sound so surprised."

"I thought you just read fantasy. I didn't realize you read actual literature."

This is the part where Amanda started twitching uncontrollably. Fantasy is not irrelevant. It can tell us every bit as much about human relationships and conditions as the grittiest realistic fiction there is. It creates new connections in our minds as we learn the rules and standards in each new world, learning a language to connect with it. It gives us another way to view the world and another opportunity to understand it.

In other news, it's dumping snow, and school has been canceled for tomorrow. This would be cool, if we didn't have a concert Tuesday after missing class Friday.

Alas.

Feminism v. Twilight

Let me preface this by saying that I really enjoyed reading Twilight. It’s fantastic mind candy. I gobbled it up in like three days. Recently, I read an interesting article that brought up some points I think are worth thinking about. Even though I liked it, there’s some parts of it that you have to wonder about.

Point 1: Edward can seriously be a jerk.

A lot of girls are completely in love with Edward, but a real-life guy who told you you couldn’t go visit your best friend would not be OK. Furthermore, who wants to be told what kind of car they’re going to drive? Yeah, Edward seems oh-so-sweet and attentive to Bella’s needs, but there’s serious problems with the way he commands her. Which leads us up to point number two…

Point 2: Edward controls the sex.

The problem here isn’t their abstinence, by any means, it’s that every decision is Edward’s. When Bella will become a vampire, when they’ll make love…these are decisions that are exceedingly pivotal in Bella’s life, but somehow her decisions are less important than his. We don’t need another example of sex being used for control, from either gender. But here sex and the Big Fat Scary Sex Metaphor (that’s Bella being bitten, for those unsure,) are both used by Edward to create “conditions” for Bella to meet.

Point 3: Edward and Bella have a profoundly unhealthy relationship.

No duh, you’re probably thinking. But the thing about it is, so many teenage girls are reading this and are really jumping on this idea of what love looks like. I think that’s a pretty serious problem. Love isn’t when you completely lose your identity for someone. I’ve been in love. Twice. At no point in those 4+ years would I call myself “nothing” without them. When Edward leaves, Bella is completely non-functioning for months, risking death just to hear the hallucination of his voice.

None of this is probably new thinking to many people, but here’s the thing. I (and several of my friends) read the series up in a couple days. We could get swept up in it and enjoy it, but it didn’t stop us from being the hardcore awesome feminists that we are. (Hooray.) But is it affecting the way teenage girls see themselves and their role in relationships?

I know not many people read this, but to the few that do, I’d really like to hear your opinion. Is it a problem for teenage girls to get into a novel with such a weak female protagonist whose whole life is controlled, or should we just be glad they’re reading at all? Do you think girls’ infatuation towards Edward makes them more likely to gravitate towards dominating, possibly abusive boys? Or do you think what I’m saying is way off base?

I QUIT! Wait...this could be OK...

So my cooperating teacher wasn't here again today, which was going to be just fine. I've done lessons by myself before, so today was kinda going to be pretty standard. First, with the Symphonic Band. We worked in full rehearsal for a little while, then split them up into sectionals.

(At this point, I should probably comment that we had a two-hour delay this morning due to a boiler malfunction, so they were already a little crazy. And in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have split them into sectionals. Whatever.)

They kind of lost their minds.

Every sectional I went around to, they weren't doing anything. With the exceptions of the trumpets and the percussion (has anyone noticed that crazy irony?) everyone was carrying on, not doing what they were supposed to.

As I'm going around, I go into the office, where the saxophones, trombones, and bass clarinets were.

They had the TV on.

I was so mad I couldn't even speak. The kids just sort of stared at me for a second, like they couldn't believe they'd just been caught and wanted to know what happened now. I was working very, very hard to keep from collassaly erupting.

"Go back into the band room."

That's all I said to them. I went around to all the other sections, calling them back into the band room. Then I plugged my metronome into the speakers.

"Allegro to the end."

They played it, and, predictably, screwed it up.

When they got through, they sat there, dead silent.

"No one played that perfectly. No one in here. Everyone messed up some note or rhythm, everyone got off on the tempo. So why were you not working on that in your sectionals?"

(Miraculously, no smart-ass called my bluff on the rhetorical question. Hooray.)

We started over again, and the fact that I was basically restraining myself from completely losing it went away as I worked with them on a few individual notes and rhythms. I ended it with something along the lines of, "I really like all of you and you've done hard work, but I can't not be mad when I walk into a sectional and everyone's talking. I can't not be mad when someone has the TV on." I told them that they had come along way, but they had to continue it to get any better and all that jazz.

Directly after that (with no break, because when we have a delay it's one right after the other,) Wind Ensemble starts coming in. I tell them straight-up that second period was very exhausting, and asked them to work hard because my nerves were completly frayed. I told them if I snapped at them and it seemed off, it was just because my temper was short after this morning. So we warmed up and they went immediately into sections.

They were fantastic. They (almost all) worked hard the whole time they were in sectionals. They seemed to get thing accomplished. And when we pulled them back together to play through the slow part in The Hounds of Spring, it was gorgeous. I've never heard them play it that well, and it was wonderful. Then the few things we fixed in the development part were quick fixes, and they adjusted fast and well.

So I discovered that it's possible to go from my-eyeballs-are-going-to-explode contained fury to complete contentment in less than an hour. Yay, band.

Ireland, Time Travel and Obama...

Last night I dreamed I would regularly go through this window-type thing (think: Subtle Knife) and it would take me to a place in Ireland about fifty years ago.

(Pauses for processing.)

Well, I was talking to Derrick James on the phone while I was in Ireland (which, incidentally enough, is a non-existent spot that has shown up in other dreams) when I suddenly realized how freakishly high the rates would be. So I ran back to the window only to find that someone had closed it up.

I have no idea exactly how all this tied together, but somehow the person who closed up the secret window did so to trap me and others in Ireland to do nothing but play video games all day. There was some devilish plot afoot to ruin our world and keep us from stopping whatever this person was doing by dulling us down and having us play all day.

For some strange reason, Obama was also there. I was trying to explain to some Irish girl how Obama was really one of the greatest world leader of our time. Her general attitude was that our world must completely suck.

You could kind of see her point, since Obama just played DDR all the time.

Finally I started to realize that maybe it was a little bizzare how we had all the games ever made, but we were fifty years in the past. I think somehow we were trying to find our way back, but I woke up before then.

...

Doesn't my brain frighten you?